sorrow post

I used to be happy everyday but how I became an emo girl now??

Haiz..Emo is short for emotional thats what I know!!

Some emo people cut themselves,some emo people go to club,some emo people take drugs,and some people was just like me chose to smoke and drink..

The first time that I smoked was when I felt alone,under-appreciated,get hurt,depressed,sad and some more..

I was always made fun of my parents could care less.

When i was younger,I had everything especially him.

A man who I care and love me much... 

I was sweet,happiness and popular.

It's wasn't continue and last forever,the change was drastic...

My popularity decreased..

The number of my buddies started to dwindle,the relationship with my bf started to fade,and my exam were slipping.

Everything that i had was gone and my life really really sucked! 

When I lost my bf, I was smoking all the time,I was alone and I was always crying like hell and most of the time for no reason..
What The Hell to me?!!!!

Sometimes when I saw the knife,I really wanted to picked it up and cut myself...

But I have no courage,DAMN!!!

This things continued for about four months,until two of my club mates found something wrong to me..

I smoked 2-3boxes in 3hours and I keep silence...

They hugged me and asked me do not thinking of  him anymore!!

I didn't said anythings to and I just cried in front of them.

When I done,I felt calm down,and relaxed because of depression..

And I know no one cares about me except my parents,and those fuckin 'paparazzi'..

Well,I'm okay with that although I still love him and miss him...

I have chosen to come here and write this topic because this is my BLOG..

I'm the owner and this is a place where I can feel others really care about me..

I'm truly sorry to my Papa & Mama for what I did...SORRY

I promised,I won't hurt myself anymore and I will try my best on my studies..

No more cheating,try not to smoke and drink...I will take good care myself as well

Mum,sorry for that,I still can not forget him
However I will put it down someday for sure..
By the way,I care my parents more than others now

I'm such an idiot to fall in love with someone who're always lie to me!!!